Are you playing to win?

My teenage son calls them “Try Hards.” I call it playing to win.

But I get it—when I was his age, I sat at the back of the class too. Too cool for school. Too cool to care, too cool to try. The less effort I put toward anything, the better—especially if I still managed to pull off the grades.

It followed me all the way into my career as a journalist and magazine editor—where I’d get my thrills by secretly sabotaging myself and seeing how far I could get anyway. Turned out, it was pretty far.

That all stopped when I started supporting my friends and friends of friends as a book coach. All of a sudden, I loved the people I served too much to not give them EVERYTHING I’VE GOT.

But on a personal level? I was still playing not to lose. Holding back. Keeping small. Afraid of failure. Afraid of success. Even when it came to my own book.

A few weeks ago, I caught myself saying “I don’t care about selling lots of books.”

I mean, WHAT?

I was telling myself that I was being humble and modest about the kind of impact I was hoping to make, like that was a good thing.  

Are you freaking kidding me?

My bruised ego had already made a pact with itself, that we were going to try JUST ENOUGH to make my publisher happy BUT NOT TOO MUCH that we could actually risk failing to achieve a bigger vision—or, worse, succeeding at it. Because fear of success is a very real thing too.

Fortunately, I stopped myself right then and there: YOU WANT TO DO SO-SO? OKAY? YOU JUST WANT TO SELL “A FEW BOOKS”? F*** THAT!

That’s when I decided.

I’m going to win this thing.

Play to win.

If you played to win, what would that look like today?